I got chris browned last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
