Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
