my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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