I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize