Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
