I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
