is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
