I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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