forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
