The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
