So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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