just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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