weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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