im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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