So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize