I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
