1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize