Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
