I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
