So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
