So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize