remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
