Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
