The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think I won the penis lottery.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
