Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
