HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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