the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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