What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Enjoy the penises
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
