Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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