I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize