Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
