I bet he comes in French.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
