Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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