She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
