Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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