At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
