if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
