After last night, I could never be a politician.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
