I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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