We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You're like the curious george of whores
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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