So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize