Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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