you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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