whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
