I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
