cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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