This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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