I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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