Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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