Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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