Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
