Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
