You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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