Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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