i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
