At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
