matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
