She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
