tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
