Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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