READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
