My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
