So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
