The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
