weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
