Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
