ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
cat food counts as protein by the way
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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