How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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