Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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