I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize