***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
