I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize