I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
