I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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