Do you still have your period?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
