i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
