Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
honey bunches of taint.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
