Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
