people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
