Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
