Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
