he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
