the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
