If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
