Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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