Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
