:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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